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Marketing Email (Tester version) Whats Missing?

Published 1st October 2015 |
Read latest comment - 2nd October 2015

Hi Guys, as you know I am thinking of a few more ideas know to promote my company likes of new website, email marketing etc.... I have typed the below to send out but tell me what you think.... too much, not enough, **** message lol.... Am open to ideas.


Dear To Whom This May Concern,


Based in Liverpool, United Kingdom, Tier1 Logistics Services UK is one of the leading Freight Forwarders with over 23 years of comprehensive International Freight Forwarding and logistics experience. With entire global network Tier1 Logistics Services UK is the number one solution that lets you have access to major global shipping line companies and airlines providing ocean and air transportation to and from the global destinations.

Tier1Logistics Services UK also offers full inter-model door-to-door service as well as documentation and customs formalities for the import and Export cargo market. We are a team of dedicated, professional and experienced individuals working together to provide our clients with the utmost in customer service.

The remarkable services we have to offer are:

- Air Freight Services
- Sea Freight Services
- Inland Transportation & European Transportation inc Same day Courier
- Warehouse & Storage
- Customs Clearance (Quick & Fast)
- Project Networking (All in one service)
- Consultancy Services - A service to bring you the fastest and most cost effective for your imports/exports

We would like to see if we can save you money like we have with other companies in the UK as well as European clients also. For our UK deliveries we have the a price starting from £1.80 per mile across the UK.

Items can be picked up within one hour of booking. Please feel free to contact me to chat or arrange your first shipment.

We will be happy to hear about your thoughts so please do let us know.

Thank you for your time.

Then all my business details etc...

So go on RIP away lol


Oh gawd, I don't want to be Mr negative  

Long winded waffle full of unsubstantiated claims I can't be bothered to read, assuming I haven't already deleted it.

Based in Liverpool - who cares?

is one of the leading Freight Forwarders - says who? I am the greatest according to me.

with over 23 years of comprehensive.. ..experience - that reads as "we are a new company, but if you add our collective previous experience together..."

The remarkable services we have to offer are.. - remarkable 

IMHO after spending 10 years sending millions and millions of emails (sorry world), keep it short and to the point. You will rarely sell from a first contact cold email, and will annoy more people versus lead generation and reputation. So don't try.

But stand out, be different, analyse your competitors, what are they sending? What are their landing pages like, call to actions etc. Looking at some of your competitors, their sites seem pretty bland in your sector, so there is an amazing opportunity to stand out and own that space. Less is more, be the Google of shipping agents.

Cold email should be just a hook, then send them to a superb and fully optimised call to action landing page.


<punchy on target subject line>

<short concise punchy sales copy>

<link to super duper landing page>

But I would concentrate on getting your site and landing page ready as this will be your shop window to wow clients, after they have been hooked.

Some things are worth outsourcing or buying in skills (budget depending). In this case maybe look at some web design help or some marketing assistance? 

Steve Richardson
Gaffer of My Local Services
My Local Services | Me on LinkedIn

Sorry, no response as I fell asleep 

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