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Bugged me for ages as I knew the answer but couldn't remember it ..I've bowed out  as I cheated ,of course when I saw the answer I knew  LOLOL

lol ..To even it up I found a relatively mild joke. The other would have gotten me banned hahahaha

A man walks into the Spur with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, chips and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”

“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be R59.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, chips, and a coke.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again.

“The usual?” asks the waitress. “No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad,” says the man. “Same,” says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be R132.60.” Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “But, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

I had the opposite effect , only me haha , was very particular with who I signed up for .. I was just lucky enough not to actually submit any as I had a new job within 2 weeks of being made redundant

Definitely get yourself on google maps https://www.google.co.uk/intl/en/business/

There is also Yell , maybe bing and open a facebook page with your business name .Just a few to start you off

I would, but that stuff keeps falling from the sky lolol..Been non stop raining and I work from virtually dark am to dark pm so can never get out .. I hear our Geese are back so weather permitting I may go for a walk there this weekend

A oldie but still made me chuckle

Two Mexicans have been lost in the desert for weeks. At death's door, they see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer, they see that it's draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon: smoked bacon; crispy bacon; life-giving, nearly raw, juicy bacon... all sorts of bacon. "Hey, Pepe," says the first Mexican, "ees a bacon tree!
We're saved!" So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree. As he gets to within five feet, he's gunned down in a hail of bullets.
His friend drops down on the sand and calls across to the wounded Pepe. "Pepe! Pepe! Que pasa hombre?" With his last breath, Pepe calls out, "Ugh, run, amigo, run, ees not a bacon tree, ees a ham bush."

Not to keen on the small lens it seems a bit weird, when trying to get distance . I suppose it is just not the same as my old 1 and have to adapt to it . Still waiting for the right SD card to arrive as I only have a tiny 1  that can take about 20 pictures. .. If the weather is nice on Sunday I may go for a walk 

Every now and then I treat myself to something special . My camera was getting pretty old and was starting to play up so I thought I would treat myself to 1 . I really liked the mirrorless cameras as I have the Samsung nx1000, so scoured the net to find the best affordable camera and almost every site said the Sony A6000 was the best around but only to find it was rather old. Found the 6500 but had a minor heart attack as was too expensive .So I've settled for the middle ground and bought the 6300 as it is virtually the same as the 6000 just more features ... Anyway it has arrived and it is everything they say it is.. It has given me a new lease of life and can't wait to get out there and take some pics and learn how to use this camera to it's full extent if I am able to 

Wondering if you have decided on a solution yet for yourself.

Still haven't built my jewellery site ,just been plain lazy this last year .. I was thinking of trying a different approach to see if it helps any

I still like my wrong answer to number 2..Granny running in the rain dear